When You're Gone
by JennaLynne
Summary: An Edward/Bella oneshot. Just some of Bella's thoughts while Edward is away hunting. Songfic.


Disclaimer: Nothing's Mine. Character's belong to Stephenie Meyer, Song belongs to Avril Lavigne. Back Off.

* * *

"I'll be back so soon you won't have time to miss me. Look after my heart — I've left it with you."

Edward's words reverberated in my mind, like an echo slowly driving me insane. I stared out the window, watched as the purples danced across the universe; the pinks sprinted through the ozone painting themselves against that large blue canvas.

_I always needed time on my own,  
I never thought I'd, need you there when I cry  
And the days feel like years when I'm alone,  
And the bed where you lied,  
Is made up on your side._

I made the bed quickly, tossing the heavy gold comforter over the pillows, in a pathetic attempt to distract myself. I hated when Edward went away to hunt. It brought back the abandonment memories, the constant fear I harbored that he wouldn't come back for me. Although I was in his house, sleeping in his bed, it didn't matter. I couldn't fight the sinking feeling that constantly returned.

_When you walk away  
I count the steps that you take  
Do you see how much I need you right now?_

I willed myself not to cry, ordered myself to grow up, that I wasn't a child. A breeze whipped through the open window, blew my hair around my face. It was too hot, too heavy with rain to be a comfort.

_When you're gone,  
The pieces of my heart are missing you,  
When you're gone,  
The face I came to know is missing too  
When you're gone,  
All the words I need to hear to always get me through the day...  
And make it OK...  
I miss you._

I wanted to be angry with him, for having Alice baby-sit me, for preventing me from sleeping in my own bed. But I just couldn't be. And I couldn't bring myself to be upset with Alice either, because she was only doing as he asked, only trying to keep me safe. Mostly from myself. I dug through the bag that had been packed for me, thankful Alice knew my tastes so well, even if she did resent them, and pulled my favorite brown sweater on over my head.

_I've never felt this way before,  
Everything that I do,  
Reminds me of you.  
And the clothes you left,  
They lie on the floor,  
And they smell just like you,  
I love the things that you do!_

I tidied up after myself a little, tossing my dirty pajamas back into the duffle bag, throwing the discarded clean ones on top of them.

"Ready for school?" Alice asked cheerfully sticking her head in the door.

"No." I sighed. "But it's not like I have a choice."

"You only get to do high school once. I'm not letting you ditch."

I rolled my eyes. Vaguely I wondered how many times _she'd_ completed high school. I picked up my battered copy of _Wuthering Heights_, shoved it deep in my backpack, and followed her out the door.

_When you walk away  
I count the steps that you take  
Do you see how much I need you right now?_

Carlisle was in the kitchen, though he didn't see us pass by, didn't acknowledge our presence. Esme had laid her head upon his shoulder, he was gently running his hand through her hair, whispering something incomprehensible to my human ears, yet I could tell it was sweet, loving. She sighed, and I felt guilty for intruding on such an intimate moment, and at the same time, insanely jealous. They had forever, and although I knew my heartbeats were limited – eventually Edward and I would have eternity too – I couldn't help but wish it would come faster. Wish I could have it now.

_  
When you're gone,  
The pieces of my heart are missing you!  
When you're gone,  
The face I came to know is missing too!  
And when you're gone,  
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day...  
And make it OK...  
I miss you._

We got into her new car, walking in silence, and I found now that the words Rosalie had spoken to me last night were now running through my head. And I finally saw her point, understood why she couldn't accept me for what I was, why should couldn't understand why I was doing what I was doing. I only wished she could understand the depth of my feelings for her brother. My feelings for Edward, ones that words couldn't even touch. Ones that sometimes I had trouble wrapping my own mind around. _  
_

_We were made for each other,  
Out here forever,  
I know we were,  
Yeah, Yeah  
All I ever wanted was for you to know,  
Everything I do I give my heart and soul,  
I can hardly breathe I need to feel you here with me...  
Yeah_

It was drizzling again, the weather matched my feelings, and I resented it now more than ever. Alice parked the car as close to the door as she could, I knew it was for my benefit. She knew I was miserable and walking through the rain would only make me feel worse. I pushed open the door, staring pointedly at my feet trying to avoid conversation of any kind. But in order to avoid tripping over my own feet, or walking into a pole, I glanced up, and around.

"Bells! Get on!" Jacob called to me from across the parking lot.

For the first time all morning, I smiled, and ran to him, only stumbling once. He grinned at me and peeled out of the parking lot.

_When you're gone,  
The pieces of my heart are missing you  
When you're gone,  
The face I came to know is missing too  
When you're gone,  
The words I need to hear will always get me through the day...  
And make it OK... _

_  
I miss you_


End file.
